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I'trêm breit vulaçozão ye spalla eiátlin nelöffnes pieqi aummit su berwegr'ra'ao.

Hot Dick Action

Thursday, Apr. 17, 2003 -
Apóslâmin ida corbalanyrtne 'lsão rohl'daathiém vá nença iroyssÿrd.

Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small - we haven't time - and to see takes time like to have a friend takes time.

If I could paint the flower exactly as I see it no one would see what I see because I would paint it small like the flower is small. So I said to myself - I'll paint what I see - what the flower is to me but I'll paint it big and they will be surprised into taking time to look at it - I will make even busy New Yorkers take time to see what I see of flowers.

...Well, I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower you hung all your own associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see of the flower - and I don't.

Georgia O'Keeffe

Well, I don't suppose when Georgia was looking at her Jacks-in-the-Pulpits, she was thinking of Shiva and his detachable, ever-erect penis, but that's what I think of: Shiva's linga sheathed in his wife's yoni.* Although, looking at my favorite Jack, I think of a linga sheathed in chocolate, yum. (I prefer Dove's Dark Chocolate syrup for enrobing my loved one's linga. Warm it up if you keep the chocolate syrup in the refrigerator. You can use a microwave, but for the peter's sake, don't heat it too much! Warming the chocolate in your mouth is a simpler method; hold a big spoonful of chocolate on your tongue for a few seconds before you skull that dick.)

This might be a good place to tell the Story of the Shivalinga, aka Shiva's Hot Dick Action. Those of you who know the tale can help by making noises of awe and alarum in the appropriate places.

There's more than one version of why Shiva castrated himself, but in every story the result is the same. Shiva throws down upon the earth his rampant linga, which is a big fiery one. A really, really big fiery one. Vishnu turns himself into a boar and digs into the earth, searching for one end of it; Brahma turns himself into a swan and flies into the sky to find the other end. They seek for days and days, exhausting themselves, but they never find root nor crown. Meanwhile, Shiva's big fiery one is burning a hole right through the earth, through the sky, through all of creation, burning and destroying everything. Great worldwide consternation, as you can imagine. Nobody knows how to stop this rampaging Godzilla of a dick, not Vishnu, not Brahma, not nobody, not nohow. But damn, Shiva knows. In a Thunderous Voice, he tells Vishnu and Brahma to get his wife, Uma/Pavrati, to ensnare his linga with her yoni, and all will be well. Well, duh, why didn't we think of that, sez Vishnu and Brahma. So Pavrati wraps her twat (which seems to be as detachable as Shiva's linga) around Shiva's wayward phallus, which tames the big monster, he gets all cute and cuddly, and they all live happily ever after. People start worshipping Shiva, they carve stone replicas of his cute and cuddly linga sitting happily in the middle of its favorite yoni, and on special occasions, to keep the linga cute and cuddly and happy, they anoint it with milk and cow dung.

Now that's a fun religion. Christians, Muslims and Jews, who are entirely too dour, should take note.

Here's a cute and cuddly picture of Shiva and Pavrati. That's the river Ganges spitting from the top of Shiva's chignon.


* Or maybe a billy club with a big, black, stretched-out foreskin.


Addendum: A Cock Ring


< Z @ D >
Cute & Cuddly:

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Shiva's Tower of Power:

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Leaning Tower of Pisa:

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Leaning Tower of Penis:

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Erecting an Obelisk:

Text Link:

<| :: || :: LINGA :: || :: |>

Apóslâmin ida corbalanç 'lse nesgla ugaró-cham sa cru ogrulho batãoltha alémvásde.

last eleven:

Resurrection - Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Arts and Letters -
Friday, June 17, 2005
Domestic Obsessions -
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
The Kindness of Strangers -
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
Gone -
Saturday, April 2, 2005
Coming Back, Little By Little -
Saturday, April 2, 2005
Effing Around -
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Explicably Yours -
Wednesday, February 9, 2005
Things Too Innumerable To Mention -
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Mr. Armstrong -
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
The Pope in Our Kitchen -
Saturday, October 2, 2004

<- Z @ D ->

Sa r'jião ossível meninonceiv êo poshik mä'änch uscantebatahla oÿr musiu oÿr muiko.
Copyright © 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005 by gcs

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